Truth

Hi Everyone!

My name is Laura Trapp and I am a 51 year old wife, mother, grandmother, and elementary school librarian in Helena, Montana.  I blog about education related issues over at trappedlibrarian.org.  You can read a post I did over there about by cancer diagnosis here.

On September 15, 2015 I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  My prognosis was/is good.  In fact, at first I really thought I just had "baby cancer."  By that I mean, I knew it was a small tumor, early stage, no clinical signs that it had spread to my lymph nodes.  It looked like I was "just" going to have to get a lumpectomy, followed by radiation, followed by taking a little pill once a month to keep the cancer from coming back.  I was "lucky" that my cancer was hormone positive.  So I thought this was going to be a 3 month bump in the road and I'd go on my way.

Ha!

Let's just say it's not really going to be that "easy,"  so I need a place to vent my frustrations.  If my story can help you or a loved one, I am glad to tell it.  But if you are here hoping to find someone dealing with their cancer with grace and sunshine, I can pretty much guarantee you are in the wrong place.  I am frustrated.  I am sad.  I am angry.  I am skeptical.  And I'm not going to hide any of that here.

Offended by swearing?  You might want to find another cancer site! 

True or False? 

Getting a port-a-cath installed is a piece of cake.   

FALSE!

 
TRUTH:  I got my port yesterday afternoon and thought I would go to work this morning.  I'm so glad I reconsidered!  I am sore, really sore.  It hurts to operate the hand soap dispenser in my bathroom!!  It's true that the procedure itself seemed pretty smooth and easy.  I even felt perfectly fine right afterwards.  But now I'm faced with the same feeling of pain and weakness in my left arm that I was just finally getting over in my right arm almost a month after my lumpectomy surgery.  Consequently I am even more afraid than I already was about starting my chemo tomorrow because I am afraid of the port site hurting.  

Okay, that lady above, she did not just get her port installed.  How do I know?  She would never be able to get back into that dress/shirt afterwards!  Ouch!

TRUTH:  I did something positive today anyway.  Rather than mope around all morning, I pulled myself together to do one challenging thing for the day.  I dressed up my top half as seen below and recorded a live Periscope about November picture book read-alouds for my teacher blog.  I am trying to challenge myself technologically and professionally and that in itself has been a good distraction while I am coping with cancer.  I wanted to do a periscope recording while I still had my hair because I don't know if I'll be that brave once I'm bald!  But of course that truth remains to be seen.

Me all dressed up for my Periscope.  I had 5 live viewers today.  I will go back and watch the replay to critique myself later when I'm ready to be kind!

Incidentally, if you would like to see a positive, uplifting, helpful site by a wonderful cancer survivor, I highly recommend The Silver Pen.  I have read some of the articles and watched a couple of the videos there and I really like them.  There is no swearing or complaining, either, so that's nice!

Thanks for stopping by!  If you are dealing with cancer right now, I would love to hear from you!  Speak your truth in the comments below!